Beginner's Crisis
Newcomers who jump head-on into the Human Design System often experience a period of doubt and rebellion a few weeks in, as the scope of what they're encountering and learning begins to sink in and rattles the foundations of their beliefs.
I remember well a day in December 1993 when I was sitting in my studio and looked at a Human Design Ephemeris that was propped up against a wall with its pages open to the current month. The book had a horizontal layout and on the two pages were 31 hand-drawn body graphs, one for each day of the month, with the activations of the planetary transits drawn in. I could hear Ra talk with Zeno in a neighboring room. He was our guest for several weeks in our very modest and cold adobe abode in Taos, New Mexico, here to teach the very first Human Design classes in America. Of course, having the man in our house, we picked his brains whenever we could, in addition to going to class with him, and so we were very deeply immersed.
As I was looking at these 31 body graphs, mulling how I could make a fitting transparent overlay with my own design so that it would be easier to see how the transits were affecting me (this was before a Human Design computer program existed), the full meaning of what I was looking at suddenly hit me like a hammer. My heart pounded and blood drained from my brain. - No! No! I'm not just a victim of the planetary forces! I'm my own person and I have free will! I hate this mechanistic system! It doesn't do me justice at all! I'm much more than this! And I have free will! – And so on.
There were other aspects of Human Design I stumbled over in the same way and I know from my privileged look-out over two decades that many new students sooner or later encounter the same or similar issues. A favorite is the Design-to-do versus Design-to-wait thing. – What do you mean, I have a Design to wait and I have to be conditioned so that I can do?! I do all the time! I go to the toilet on my own and any time I want, I brush my teeth, I go to work, I shop groceries…
Another one is the awareness story. – What? I'm supposed to have no mental awareness? Then how come I think? How come I'm smart? Or How dare you speak of awareness in such materialistic and mechanistic terms! Awareness is holy; it's what happens when you meditate!
Yet all along, there's that still suspicious certainty that it is actually all true, that you have indeed a Design to wait and can't rely on your mental awareness and that you are emotionally volatile, or whatever your case may be.
In my case, I realized quite quickly that I had known most of these things on my own and all along, but just wasn't quite sure. I had used different terminology, different reasoning, different explanations, and different excuses. I knew that I'm one of those people who can tremendously enjoy doing absolutely nothing for extended periods of time and that solutions to problems come to me while I wait and yield, not push, but I know of others for whom the same would be torture and who curse their need for sleep. I knew that my mind wanders easily and has a hard time to come to conclusions or certainties, that it prefers meandering association to straight logic. I also knew that by the long-known laws of cause and effect, and even by the latest scientific research, I probably had far less free will than I thought I had or would have liked to have.
It's just that before Human Design I judged myself at least partially according to social norms and therefore valued some of my characteristics negatively, felt a degree of guilt for having them and made efforts to change. The initial encounter with Human Design then contradicted some of the judgments about myself I had labored so hard to accept and made those efforts to change moot, even ridiculous, if not outright dangerous. And I thought I was so good! No wonder it hit me hard.
It takes time for some of these bits to seep in, to sort through them, to admit to them, to integrate them into what you know about yourself already, to make corrections in your perception and to adjust your terminology. You need to take the time to simply observe what Human Design says about you, to take it as a hypothesis and be open to the possibility that it's the truth. Or not.
And that attitude will also enable you to separate the chaff from the grain in the wild and dangerous world of Human Design where "chaff" is far too often too much of a compliment. That said, it is time for my usual disclaimer that the Human Design we are talking about in this newsletter and is offered on www.humandesignsystem.com is based on the originally reported mechanics, before it all got clogged up and hidden away by all these interpretative keynotes, phrases and subjective opinions found in other versions of Human Design.
Zen Human Design is the simplest, purest and closest to the original Human Design System you'll be able to find. Do yourself the favor and bypass presumption and indoctrination. Get your charts, your readings and your education from Zen Human Design!
Chaitanyo
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