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View From Inside the Rehab Hospital

We know by now that the vehicle that carries my spirit seems to be wearing down; soft bones, nervous system disrepair, auto-immune disorder, the latest is Lyme disease! So I take the guidance of those who say that I need help and the institutional Medicaid will also give me home health care. Therefore, I have been advised to stay 30 days at the rehab facility for Medicaid to kick in.

It’s a little odd to room with someone who freezes at night. I can’t convince her that she needs a better blanket and I wake up in a sweat for the 77+ degree temperature!

The kitchen manager is very tuned into my numerous diet restrictions. Even so, I’ve lost weight. Always a great thing but maybe not such a good thing.

I have therapy, including speech therapy, so that’s a good chance to bring my voice back. Therapy is always fun. The facility gives me the appointments even though insurance may not pay. Details I don’t spend much time on.

My family came through to get the legal mess sorted. Chaitanyo has taken on my email and business. He brings me home on Saturdays. Last week we watched the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. Great movie.

No TV in my room weans me of that habit. I’m sleepy most of the time anyway, and just do as I’m told.

This place is little Mexico. Spanish is the language of the aids. You see this loving, caring staff, and I’m charmed by the changing nature of those who’ve been paid to help.

So that’s a bit on the broken left elbow. The surgeon could not screw a plate in because the bone was too soft, so instead wrapped it in carbon-fiber mesh. It’s probably better because I have a good range of motion… though I’m typing with just one hand.

I think I’ll be home by Monday, November 12, and will hope that I get to resume giving readings and class thereafter. Just to say, some of you wrote beautiful and encouraging messages that recognized my work. At times, I cried because it touched me so deeply.

My time is limited at best.  And I want to teach anyone who wants to study with me. I want to give class though I never had the appeal to draw a good size class, so this made it tricky to offer what I had uncovered about Human Design. Ra’s charm and cute, catchy names and phrases hide what design is here to bring.

It was a long road to un-learn all that disinformation. I used to implore people to take my word for it; that it was hard for me to unlearn and therefore it would be simpler to skip all that indoctrination, but only a rare few paid me any attention.

Now there are more people who realize that while Ra’s stuff sounds compelling, it doesn’t illuminate.

Chaitanyo and I were in a special role in the HD world to have a very up-close and personal task to bring Human Design out to the west. After five years of following every utterance. I knew we had to start over. I was so naïve. I thought Ra would be glad to realize, but as someone who essentially called him out (totally not my intention), he couldn’t get away from me fast enough.

It was heart-breaking and a shock to be forced to realize he lied and was not here to bring the gift of Human Design to the world but rather to make money. He slandered us cruelly, for which I was totally unprepared.

But I had already seen the error and knew what the correction was. I felt like I had a mandate to rescue design; that Ra committed a crime against humanity, so distorted and convoluted his “My way is the only Way” church that rendered design as a belief system that put the faithful in a box and told them how to live their lives.

Chaitanyo thought it would never work; that Ra had a grip on the world. But I always had a dedication and zeal that first, I had to publish the book outlining the revelation mechanics, and then I could give class. Chaitanyo would help me but would always remind me of the failure of my anemic attempt to offer some non-ra.

So twisted was my own education that it would take me years to realize what the beginning actually is!

My early attempts were teaching devices for myself, but with time, I knew I was on the right track. Offering a Professional Certification verified that what I had mastered was transferable.

Eventually, with the revision of the website I had to price the pro cert class. I put 10K, assuming that if anyone really wanted to do that class, it would help me fund the last task I want to complete…. namely, to get the chart software together. I never feel that someone must pay for my classes, but I am grateful to anyone who can help me pay for this last piece of my task. I budget $10K/month in 2013, so any help is fantastic.

We still don’t know how much I will be able to accomplish, and know that if you want to study with me, I am glad. I will resume the Saturday classes on a subscription basis that you can pay what you can afford and have CCC be a prerequisite. I will go on with channels and answering any questions.

My job is nearly done. The manual is good. The recorded classes provide the structure of using the body graph. And you will be happy when you don’t have to use funky charts.

And so, I am at your service. I love you.

A view on the meme-master

Ra was a smart guy but also a charlatan, I’m afraid. He duped us all with his smoke and mirrors. It was very hard to sort out all the nonsense he created.

I got excommunicated after I informed him that the training we developed over five years, organizing and recording every utterance didn’t work, that the readings done for the analyst certification clearly demonstrated this; that people could only repeat after Ra but no one could understand the body graph. Neither could I though I had five years private instruction from him on what he saw.

Some stuff he did get but if you look at the entire body of his work, it is based entirely on the third chakra view.

It was his slant that if he could come up with something simple enough for the masses and then additionally add his new requirement that anyone who uses HD to be on his list, meaning he would get money, he would finally get his reward.

He never thought it would be so hard to learn what he’d come up with, all his names, circuits, later Types and as you write authority (completely ridiculous). He realized that by his admission “it is not mine…” that he would never make enough money to leave his kids an inheritance, so he started the Jovian Archive for believers.

Just to say, revelations cannot be copyrighted or claimed. What Chaitanyo and I did was use the original training materials and took out Ra’s interpretations. He was a meme-master and all his stuff sticks in your brain much longer than you want it to!

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Throat center as a Throttle

I have been thinking about the fact that it is through the Throat that we breathe, eat, swallow, talk, choke, cough and vomit. This is a very transforming center, that we take in through this aperture that gives us the chance to express or manifest, depending.

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What is an Attractor?

Is this an actual term?

No, but it’s important to understand your own part in any given electro-magnetic connection where you and someone else both participate in a channel definition, especially if it defines centers for you.

This is one of the most important and subtle aspects in knowing your own design.

From my experience, one does not just hang out silently when being conditioned but pushes back against the other center’s conditioning and in this way, aggravates how the interaction works.

The most common channel I’ve spoken about is the Heart center 21 and Throat gate 45 as one easy channel to feel the tension created by the two people. My friend with the 21 said “I don’t want to be conditioned to do” while the other, with the Throat gate 45 feels this might be a successful collaboration and talks about what should be their mutual action plan.

I had one fellow who advised me that my voice was getting tense (I have the 21) and that I should relax about what he wanted me to say. Look carefully at this. It is his expression (he has the 45), but rather than recognizing what will make the 21 healthy and loved, he wants to tell me how I should be energetically. Of course this does not work and this brings me back to understanding what the practice is.

We all need to see what we determine is loving conditioning. That means, as a 21 with an undefined Heart center, I want to feel loving conditioning. That is a natural for the 21 as an attractor; I want the 45 to feel loving, heart opening, supportive.

When the 45 gets the same practice and feels my tension rising as I get tense being “told what to do,” the 45, when smart, gets to express (Throat center) “I support you with whatever you want to say or do.” When the 21 feels loved and supported, it can function with joy in the electro-magnetic.

We want to realize that though we feel pushed by another, it is never all right to justify a fight and always is the opportunity to observe. That’s the practice.

The Tarot and HD

This is from Charlotte:

The hanged man is about the law of reversal. It represents the suspended mind. The title refers to the utter dependence of human personality upon the cosmic life. The hanged man is hanging on living wood, the leg is crossed like a nr 4 which is the symbol for sulfur and sulfur feeds the vital Fire. The arms are in 2 triangles. He looks like a suspended pendulum at rest, a state of cosmic consciousness. It implies the complete conquest of the personality when subjugated by the forces of spirit.

Keywords are: reversal, self surrender. Enlightenment brings a complete change of ways.

The Hebrew letter is Mem, which means sea and represents the element water. Mem represents reflected life (as Mem is water and water was the first reflector and it reflects upside down). Water is feminine .

Path #23 (13) is called Stable Intelligence. On the tree, path 23 (13) connects with Sephirah #5 (Geburah, Understanding on the Water pillar with the planet Saturn) Sephirah #8 (Hod, Splendor, also on the Water pillar with the planet Mercury). Since he is upside down he is really looking up at the Geburah and the Supernal Triangle. He has the knowledge of Mercury (Hod) and realizes there is more above.  The energy of Mars above energizes him.

If you look at the hanged man, his eyes are open with the glow of enlightenment around his head. Since he is on path 23 (13) he is in the position of being in between the intellectual planet Mercury, Sephriah #8 and the aggressive planet Mars on Sepheriah #5 He is between thought and action. Mercury is where his head is and Mars is where his feet are. He has awareness that he is travelling up and he knows that he is better off if his feet are rooted in the spiritual instead of earth. He is going up the path to the higher spiritual life. So, he has awareness and is awakened, that is why there is a yellow halo around his head. He is enlightened by the spiritual knowledge. If he includes that which is above with this thinking and he changes his viewpoint while on earth, he is headed towards his initiation. He tells us that we must think everything through and realize that we are part of the earth, having come here to learn earthly lessons . If we keep ourselves anchored to our decisions and thought, we remain attached to earth.

There is more on the symbolism of the jacket, pants eyes and glow but the emphasis is upon the importance of a change of viewpoint and this change is none other than total reversal.  As soon as truth is realized, self -surrender begins in the mind. It is the submission of the personal consciousness to the direction of the universal mind.

Bye for now,

Angelina Jolie and The Land of Blood and Honey

I watched Angelina’s movie last night and constantly thought of her design. The central theme is a love story that you (the viewer) gets invested in until Boom! the bomb goes off.

Already at the beginning, I felt AJ communicated the emotional joy of being in love. The bombing begins that main story in such a way that the viewer cares about the characters and watches how conflicted it is to be in that time and place.

The story is about the brutal war in Bosnia-Herzegovina in 1992 that centered on centuries’-old battles between Serbs and Muslims. Well-developed, emotionally I stayed with the characters to the end and watched as the atrocities of rape and murder continued to be pitted against an underlying love story that while its conflict and tension are beautiful, it’s also destined to end badly. How else could it end?

AJ’s chart (http://humandesignsystem.com/archive/charts/JolieAngelina.pdf) shows the Sun in 35, bringing the 36 into action, with her Mercury in 45, expressing the 21 Mars to see how the will acts in the world. Her nodes are the 34-20 twice. She’s still in the South Node phase of 20, Contemplation.

AJ, as an ambassador to humanitarian efforts in Africa, clearly sees/knows the sexual horror of rape. This is an important aspect of the story line. I think she has contemplated and her view is both compassionate and passionate.

Although a little longer than I would have liked, it needed all the time to get the story told. I recommend it, if you can handle being reminded of our collective immaturity and disappointment that people treat each other with cruelty.


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More on the 51-25

Dear One,


Regarding your question about the 25 gate

Most of my life I have been aware of a strong compassionate side in me.

And since design, with all the drama at the beginning of my separation from my husband, this part remain adamant not to take a lawyer and sue the guy.

I mean i was so pressured to so from my family, some of my friends and from my selfish side that it is quite amazing I did not do it.

Some part in me wanted to believe that everything is for the best, that it is a gift and that even though it did not look like it, there is love underneath it all.

So naive and this side won big time. Our separation process is not yet done and a year and 3 months have passed already, But we are in good relation and he is moving next to me so that we support our son with this expanded family situation. With this said I also noticed that the moment

I relax in my heart energy when i feel it tense, then gate 25 is activated. It feels like a wave of softness and compassion to the situation at hand. I love this feeling as it renews my outlook at life and people. I rise above life’s circumstances. So the love comes sometimes from this and it feels different from the heart. Don’t know how to explain it better. It is wisdom beyond words. And it does not feel mine.


Another recent experience – I was offered a job to teach yoga- I am a yoga teacher like you(: – to women from an ARAB village next to me. And I wanted to do it. You told me I do not decide the money I get paid. So I asked how much they pay for this, and it was so low that my heart felt not good with this. The 25 gate felt this mission of love [was] more important that the salary, still my heart prevailed. On the other hand, a week ago I asked someone else how much she think the work I did with her worth – and it was the double the amount I was going to ask her. In this case I agreed with her suggestion.


Thank you for taking the time and work on the mix energy of centers. I love this part.


I took your recommendation reg. my son and I started to compliment him when he does something generous or supportive and the like. And it works. He is more and more amazing to me. In his giving and supporting me and others. Thank you for that one.


I realized today that waiting is basically an endless process that allows me to dive deeper into presence.


When I stopped the “pushing” ( reg. last week question) magic increased in my life. I got so much more offers for work.

That is it for now.

Have some questions

Don’t know them now

Love you



Centers only in a reading

This is Smadar’s email:


A woman came to me the other day.

A client that i gave a reading to twice.

And this time I stayed only with the centers and i saw soooo much more

than before. And also it felt as if i actually made a difference in the way

she will relate to her partner.

Zeno, it was amazing. She was so happy and I was more. She is amazing, living with a [partner who has] a design to wait, Sacral defined and she is design to do. And more so in his presence,

It was all so interesting for me.


Centers only – lots of info, so simple and it works.

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Matt’s Gene Keys thoughts

In the Gene Keys (yea yea I know) the 1st Hexgram has the shadow of Entropy, which expresses itself either through deep depression, or being too frenetic in trying to escape natural depressive states, or even both it just depends. Reading about this shadows dynamic has really helped a lot with the depression this past year and I’ve had some very interesting breakthroughs concerning how to move through these states, what I “think” is really happening, but I think looking forward to “breakthroughs” itself could trap someone because it is always an ongoing process, there is no end. Like how you said a 5 year old with the 10/57 will not experience it the same as someone who is 30, or 50, etc.
Dear Matt,
While Richard Rudd is an inspiring guy, I think he was misguided in Gene Keys. He still had the errors from Ra.
Take the evidence of him giving Gene Keys away. He lost his moral ground for a bit. He went back to his sense of right and wrong.
Master Ni might have done the same thing but has a freer morality.

An agreement on Chakras and Tree of life

This is from Julio:


Comment: Thank you for sharing your revelations about the Tree of Life
and The Chakras. It made so happy to get confirmation about my own
research on Kabbalah and The Tree of Life. And the same goes for my
research work on the Chakra System which is a confirmed match to your
reference sheet. I would love to share my revelations on other
fractals that I have been conducting research on my own for the last
10 years now in my own attempt to try to connect the Human Design
Chart with other teachings and resources. You have no idea how happy
it makes me to discover that there are others that like you and me
have walked past the threshold of the original transmission of Human
Design to resonate with the waves of wisdom that echo in the four
corners of the planet.